Brokenness leads to healing leads to strength…

It’s. Been. Awhile.

Yeah…I’ve been busybusybusy…in a season of waiting and transition…and stuff.  To start off 2017, I want to share this video message with you.  My iPad quit recording before I was finished and because I was looking at the camera lens…looking at you…which is at the opposite end from the record indicator, I did not notice.  😜  ((Oops.))

Anyways, the core message is in tact, and you can read the second Scripture address I was sharing about when it cut off.

Oh…and excuse the poor camera presence.  I can express myself in writing and have no reservations taking a mic and a stage, but I get reeeeeaaaaallllly uncomfortable recording myself while looking at myself.  😬  Working on that.


An Ocean of Grace…Take Me Deeper.

“For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.  But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect.”  Paul in 1 Corinthians 15:9-10a (NIV)

Overwhelming, abundant grace…this is what has been resonating in my spirit, saturating my soul lately.  In reflection, His grace has been evident during every season of my life…even and especially when I was not called His.  God extends His loving grace to every living being, even to those who are spiritually dead in His sight.  His grace is what sustains each of us.  As long as we have breath in our lungs and blood pumping through our heart, we experience some degree of God’s grace.

Just as Paul confessed in this Scripture, I, too, have persecuted the church of God. Before I entered into that saving knowledge and decision through Christ, I persecuted the church by the way I lived.  I set myself against the Living God because the gods I served were carnal pleasures, promiscuity, accomplishments, and the craving of man’s approval.  God’s grace permitted me to exist in my sin.  God’s grace wooed me and compelled me to confess Him as my Lord and Savior.  God’s grace continues to grow me and increase my faith.  God’s grace draws me into the depths of His love and His will. “But by the grace of God I am what I am…”


You see, when I picture God’s grace, I think of the ocean.  As an unbeliever, I dwelt on the scorching, thirsty sands of the beach. Have you ever tried to walk or run in the sand?  It is difficult and labored because your feet sink into the sand with each stride. That was me…running and striving to make progress in the sands of sin but not getting far and and doing that very slowly.  The sands of sin worked their abrasive persistence into every vacancy and broken place in my soul…my life.  Then, during a specific season in my life, something caused me to stop my striving in the sand and shift my focus.  I heard waves lapping up onto the shore…waves that had always been there but had gone unnoticed.  Each wave came in to reach at me, then drew back as an invitation that whispered, “Come in.”

As we all fear what we do not know or understand, I tentatively stepped towards the traces of where the waves reached…the wet sand was refreshing to my tired and scorched feet.  Successive waves lapped up to embrace my ankles for brief moments of relief.  This is where I remained for two years as God drew me to salvation.  The sands of sin – though appealing and familiar – became less and less as a draw for me as I experienced more of God’s grace.

God’s Grace: Are you wading, swimming, or resting?


Many Believers will reflect and find that they are wading in the shallows of God’s grace and purpose for their lives.  I was in the shallows…for years after I was saved. Perhaps it is fear that prevents some from going deeper – fear of the depths, fear of the unknown, fear of what they cannot see or anticipate…fear of not being in control. Maybe it’s a refusal to wander too far from the sands of sin.  Or, it could be that some are comfortable in the shallows because it doesn’t require much effort…doesn’t demand commitment or accountability.

God’s Grace: Are you wading, swimming, or resting?


Others will discover that they have moved out deeper, and they are swimming in His grace.  These Believers know the joy of being able to experience more of His grace in ministry, in relationships, in life.  Even though they can still touch ground, the waves of His grace move and sway them like a bouy.  As the waves move toward the shore, they sway these Believers some.  But, as the water moves back out to the depths, the pull of the undertow beckons. They must stand their ground…dig their toes into the saturated sand under the waters…to resist the pull…to resist being carried out to the deep.  This is where I found myself about ten years ago.  I called out to Him one night, “Lord, what is the hold? Why am I not experiencing more of You? I know there is more! What is it?”

God’s Grace: Are you wading, swimming, or resting?


He answered gently and affectionately, “Let go, Tammy.  Stop fighting the tide of My grace.  Lay back and rest.  I will carry you out to the depths.  I will not let you sink…I will not let you drown.  Rest in My grace…trust Me.”  I did.  You know what? He has not let me sink, and He has not let me drown.  Absolutely, I have experienced stormy waters that caused me to fear and doubt and sometimes fight against the waves and the current, but God has sustained me and protected me through the storms and into the calm.  In the depths of His grace and will are the greatest experiences of this journey.  It is in the depths of His grace that we discover our identity and a growing understanding of our Father.  We realize an intimacy and familiarity with His voice and His ways.  What a beautiful place to be where I cannot see land…but to look around and see only the waters of His grace.


“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect.” v. 10a

His grace is apportioned for very specific purposes.  A primary purpose is to bring us into salvation and to grow us in our faith. However, there is much, much more.  So much more.  We were never meant to dwell in the shallows of salvation.  There is intentionality as God purposes His grace to work in each of us.  When we know the depths of His grace, we are compelled and count it a joy to share that grace with others.

Where are you in the ocean of God’s grace?

The sands?

The shallows?

The deep, deep waters?

Learning and Growing With You…


The Greatest Thing…(like ever)

Sooooo…in this season of my châzaq (see my previous post), every teaching, reading, song, and Holy Spirit whisper seems to speak of one thing:  love.  Not the “I looovvve ((COFFEE))” type of love…or the love I have for sister-girlfriends…or even the parent-love I have for our kiddos…God has been talking to me about Agape love…what I call “Lord Love.”

This  type of love collides with our common sense and human judgement.  It sees beyond masks and reaches beyond appearances and behaviors.  It knows no boundaries and is the most powerful and effective and influential tool a Christian has access to possess and use.  Like any other gift and Godly character trait beyond salvation, Lord Love must be accessed, possessed, developed, and activated.

Here’s the sad truth…for all the numbers in man’s history who have received the work of Jesus unto salvation, I’m guessing that a sobering, small percentage have moved far beyond the assurance and into the abundance.  Let that ruminate a minute if you are offended and resonate a minute if you are convicted…


This love…what is often referred to as “unconditional love”…is a love feast, charity in its translation.  Well, what do we know about charity?  It is not what our American culture has made it…giving to others what we are comfortable giving…what we feel like giving…when we feel like it…when it makes us feel good…when it makes us look good (ouch)…when the emotion of a circumstance or tragedy is strong and fleeting…on our terms.  No, if we look at the ministry of Jesus – Who is the living Agape – charity love is giving others what they need instead of what we want to give.  Charity is seeing beyond those masks and behaviors of other human beings, who were created in the image of God, and into their brokenness, their deepest needs.  It is recognizing their need for healing, hearing their life’s groaning for a Savior, caring more about their eternal freedom than our own temporary comfort.

Charity is not convenient and is not comfortable (at first) because it requires us to look beyond the perimeter of “me” and into the soul of another.  Just as Jesus did, it may require us to go to the person in need.  Charity doesn’t say, “Call me if you need help” or “Go to so-and-so to get this-and-that.”  No.  Jesus sought out those who had need and met them right where they did life.  He extended Himself into the lives of broken people and gave Himself to their greatest need.


Jesus delivered the leper with a touch…something the afflicted man had not experienced in YEARS and probably craved deeply.  He not only came close and talked to the leper, but He reached out His own hand and touched the man with tenderness and healing.  (Mark 1:35-42)


Jesus delivered the woman at the well with living water.  She thought her thirst was physical and practical, but Jesus revealed to her that her true thirst was spiritual and radical.  He drew from the well of charity love and satiated her soul with forgiveness and acceptance.  (John 4:1-26)


Jesus delivered the grieving mother with the resurrected life of her son.  He saw her great grief and was moved to command life take over where death had staked a claim.    He reached into this widow’s greatest, deepest level of grief and flooded her with compassion that does more than feel, but does.  (Luke 7:11-15)

Faith.  Hope.  Love.  Why is the greatest of these “love?”  Well, because love is eternal.

Good News:  In Christ, when we are translated from this world into the presence of God, faith and hope will be fulfilled, but love will remain.  In the fullness of His presence, love will be mature and eternally lived.

Fatal News:  Without Christ, those who are translated from this world receive the wages of their sin by spending forever upon forever separated from the presence of God…and the full knowledge and torment and punishment that they are separated from Him by their own choice.  The opportunity for faith is expired.  Hope is bankrupted.  Love – on creation’s account – is overdrawn.

Love God.  ((Our greatest need is Jesus.))

Lord-Love others.  ((Their greatest need is Jesus.))

[Thursday] Worship

“You have been and You will be
You have seen and You will see

You know when I rise and when I fall
When I come or go You see it all
You hung the stars and you move the sea
And still You know me…

Nothing is hidden from Your sight
Wherever I go, You find me
You know every detail of my life
You are God and You don’t miss a thing

You memorize me”

This song. These words. Today. Although I am so small in the midst of all time…and all creation…I am so very big in God’s heart, so very loved, so very significant, so very forgiven. He sees me. He knows me. He whispers to me. I am wholly His. See His fingerprint? Feel His breath?

That’s all I need and more than enough.

Learning and Growing With You ~. Tammy

Whatcha aimin’ at?

I had forgotten, but recently one hour into a youth group’s Bible study reminded me of an intimate God session that had consumed my soul…the kind of Rhema-instruction that totally opens your understanding to an element of Scripture.  It was about this time last year.  Our Ag teacher had asked  ((more like cashed in an obligatory favor 😜)) if I would help tabulate scores at an archery competition he was putting together for his students.  Hey…he knows my (seriously lacking) math skills and still asked.  I’ll submit myself to the torture of simple, mental math for a friend.  Wouldn’t you?

Anyways, the competition had three phases: High-point from 10 meters, High-point from 15 meters, and “21” from 15 meters.  As I sat there and observed these kids taking their practiced stance as they held their bows in position…taking careful and patient aim to draw back the arrow that was notched into the bowstring…and the rapid, fluid release as the arrow quickly met its target…I was intrigued.  Ten meters and practiced shooters made for clustered arrows in the center of cluttered targets.


Then, fifteen meters.  Welllllll…I will just say, THIS is when God got my soul’s attention and “took me to school.”  The outer rings of the targets – and even the white space around the targets – were not neglected by the kids’ arrows in this round.  There was not such a party going on in the two, inner orbs of yellow and red anymore!  What made such an impactful, difference?  Same kids, same bows, same arrows, same targets.

Not the same proximity.  There were now five more meters of gymnasium real estate between their stance and their target.  Distance made the marked difference in the physics stuff involved with the accuracy of their archery-ness…ya know, stuff like velocity, air conditioner wind interference, vision (for those poor ol’ near-sighted kiddos), oscillation, Archer’s Paradox, inertia, yada…yada…yada…

A not-so-random-and-very-intimidating-yet-relevant equation I found online.  Here’s my version of an equation that is much more practical:  ((COFFEE))^3 <0900 = a very productive day

Now to the good stuff…God spoke to me about sin while I watched these kids take aim and miss the bullseye more often than not.  Many applications of the word “sin” (Greek is  hamartano) means to “miss the mark (and so not share in the prize)…to err…”  What is the mark we aim at?  Metaphorically, it’s that small, yellow circumference in the middle of the target.  Realistically, as Christians, we are aiming at looking like Jesus Christ, which is narrated for us in the Scriptures…and especially and particularly in the Gospels through Jesus’s earthly ministry.

For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God.  Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts.  And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God.  For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.  ~~Romans 6:10-14 (NKJV)

The analogy is this…the target is the Word of God, the life of Jesus Christ, the yielding to the Holy Spirit.  To aim at our goal, we must get in position and focus on it…and the closer we are to the mark, the more accurate our aim.  Here’s a kicker, though: much like those kiddos with their bows and arrows…before we can shoot for the target, we have to let go of something, release, surrender.  Ouch.  Sometimes we find false comfort in maintaining a practiced stance and hanging on to what’s in our hands.  Sometimes…it is hard to commit and follow through in that release.

Kiddos showing their archery-ness

Also, when we move away from the target (notice the target does not move), it becomes more difficult for us to aim and hit that target.  Every time we sin, it’s like taking a step away from the goal.  The common-sense way to close that relational distance is to move closer to the mark.  I’m no Katniss Everdeen, which is why I have to stay close to God with His goal for me in sight.  I have to practice my stance and continue releasing and surrendering.  As my favorite disciple once said…

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.  Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”  ~~Paul in Philippians 3:12-14

Know your target.  Get as close as you can.  Focus.  Take aim.  Release.

Learning and Growing with You ~

Tammy Sinclair

Painted Replicas

((This is a guest post from a precious, sister-girlfriend who wishes to remain anonymous.  I hope this poignant and beautifully raw post reaches in and stirs you as it did me.))

​I wouldn’t know where to start with describing myself, but the terms “hermit” and “quiet” have been thrown around a lot. “Salted snail” was once used to describe how I interact with strangers by a dear friend I’ve known since the third grade. For someone who doesn’t know me, I tend to catch them off guard (in some cases scare) when they come across me on a day I’m being loud and goofy. In the same way, they (and even people I’ve known awhile), don’t consider that a person who enjoys quiet and solitude also has moments where they crave company as well.

I can only speak for myself, but I crave and long company the most when I feel like I don’t want to be alone with my own thoughts. I don’t want to use the words “desperate” or “pathetic,” but, mentally and emotionally, that’s how I feel going down the contact list in my phone trying to find a friend to intrude on so I don’t have to be at my own house by myself.


​Ironically, it’s these moments when everyone happens to be doing something at the same time or isn’t up for company at the moment. It’s when I need someone the most, I find myself alone and back at the house listening to my dog snore in his sleep.​That statement comes off depressing at first, but once I finally sit down, whether I’m trying to listen or not, God always finds a way of speaking to me. When I finally give up the fight of trying to escape both my mind and my house and sit down and just be still, God speaks.

Earlier I said I felt desperate and pathetic when I needed someone else’s company, and I know that stems from knowing I’m being codependent when I’m a person that prefers to be independent. As a believer of God, though, codependent is what I’m supposed to be. Codependent is how we are made. However, in my times of frantically seeking out another person or a different house, I should be going home to my prayer table and Bible and seeking out my God.


​Philip Yancey writes in his book A Skeptic’s Guide to Faith that an entomologist named Annie Dillard told him of an experiment where entomologists enticed male butterflies with a painted cardboard replica that was larger and more enticing than the females of their species. Repeatedly, the male butterflies mounted the cardboard painting, and each time, as the male chose the painted replica instead, the living female butterfly opened and closed her wings in vain.

In the next chapter he writes that our Creator seldom imposes Himself upon his own creatures. “It requires attention and effort on our part to ‘remember your Creator,’ because the Creator slips quietly backstage. God does not force his presence on us. When lesser gods attract, God withdraws, honoring our fatal freedom to ignore him.”

​These “lesser gods” come to each of us in their own ways, constantly and at all times; the things in our lives we seek out and put first, far before God usually. Whether it be work or money, looks and name brands, a vehicle, TV, food, working out, laziness, or even craving the presence of another person; is God opening and closing His wings in vain as we chase after something that seems larger and more enticing in place of Him?


​In a society where we are mostly free to do whatever we want and almost anything is easily available to us, we forget to use our gift of freedom to remember and honor our Creator. With our boredom and freedom, many enterprises and corporations have flourished and profited. There are markets full of beautifully painted replicas cashing in as we continuously mount them while God, the real void-filler and problem-solver, opens and closes His wings for us.



((This is an excerpt from a Bible study I’ve written: “G.R.O.W.  U.P.: Six Disciplines in Sowing Spiritual Maturity”)).

James 5:13-16…”Is anyone among you suffering?  Let him pray.  Is anyone cheerful?  Let him sing psalms.  Is anyone among you sick?  Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.  And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up.  And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.  Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.  The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”

photo cred:
photo cred:

Prayer.  Every book in the Bible devotes some portion of itself to prayer.  From Genesis to Revelation, you will see something mentioned about prayer or as a prayer.  In fact, the whole Book of Psalms is made up of prayers and songs!  Some books dedicate whole chapters or sections to the topic or discipline of prayer.  Throughout the Gospels, it is documented that Jesus took time away for Himself to pray.  We will find prayers of thanksgiving and praise, prayers of distress and laments for God’s help, prayers of intercession for the deliverance from calamity or demonic possession, prayers for healing, prayers for needs to be met, prayers seeking Gods guidance or direction, and prayers after prayers after prayers for an unlimited number of human conditions – physical, emotional, spiritual.

Prayer is the discipline and function that threads through and binds other spiritual disciplines together to produce a beautiful life-tapestry that glorifies God.  Prayer is the line of direct communication with our Father.  It is a powerful tool, it is a privilege, and it is proven; however, it is also and often misunderstood, neglected, or misused by a large number of Christians.  I remember a season early in my marriage with Mr. Husband when I was jealous for his attention.  In my mind’s imagination, we would meet each other at home after a long, driven day at work and collapse in the solace of each other’s company.  After a brief recap of the day’s events, we would prepare dinner together and sit at the table with our five, very well-mannered ((ahem…cough, cough)) children and enjoy a peaceful, uplifting meal with conversation.  Once the kids were all bathed and tucked into bed by the respectable time of 8:30 p.m., and without a single child’s protest, Mr. Husband and I would sit on the couch with worship music playing softly in the background.  We would talk about our hopes and needs, read some Scripture, and seal every evening with praying together.  Yes, I know.  I hear you laughing and humph-ing.  Perhaps you are sighing with chagrin because you have had the same delusion…uh…I mean – image – in your mind.

Our dining has hosted thousands of meals and about as many belching contests. Now, with the kids grown, it mainly just collects stuff.
Our dining table…it has hosted thousands of meals and about as many belching contests. Now, with the kids grown, it mainly just collects stuff.

The reality for me did not match the expectations…not even remotely.  Instead, we often found ourselves bringing the day’s frustrations home and allowing it to spill into our family interactions.  We often met without words and went straight to the tasks of managing a home and raising five children.  I cooked dinner by myself because – honestly – I don’t share my kitchen easily.  Even though we did succeed at intentionally eating at the table as a family most nights, our precious children’s behavior did not match that of the children I envisioned.  Mr. Husband and I would often find ourselves wedged in the middle of a belching competition at the dinner table, or an argument over whose turn it was to unload the dishwasher, or a hashing out of the day’s events.  HA!  Then bath and bedtime would come.  😳 Whoo!  By the time we wrestled with kids over who was going to bathe first, wash your hair, USE SOAP, quit popping your brother with the towel!, who got water all over the floor?!?, get into bed, stop picking on your little sister, no you cannot have a another drink of water, get into bed, I love you too, get back in that bed!, turn the light off, stay in bed, I hear you talking and quit playing because you have to get sleep before school tomorrow, don’t make me come in there again…Mr. Husband and I were ready to retreat into ourselves.  I would go my way in the house, and he would go his.  This routine persisted for several years until I found myself utterly isolated from my husband and desperately craving fellowship with him.  I remember distinctly the day God spoke to my heart so clearly about this.

Even though they are all grown up, we still can't persuade them to get sufficient sleep, and they still belch and pick on each other. They ARE better about using soap.
Even though they are all grown up, we still can’t persuade them to get sufficient sleep, and they still belch and pick on each other. They ARE better about using soap, though.

At a friend’s house, I was lamenting the condition of my marriage and how I was jealous for Mr. Husband’s attention, but I could not compete with where his focus was in that season.  God heard my petition and spoke truth through my friend.  She said, “Tammy, the thing you are wanting from your husband is the very thing that God desires from you.  Just as you want to take your hand and turn your husband’s focus to you, God has His finger under your chin and wants to turn your attention from your husband to Himself.”  Wow…immediate conviction.

This is a pearl of truth, precious friend.  God desires to have a relationship with us.  I believe Scripture supports that He does not desire our religion, but our very and whole selves.  He wants to spend time with us…He wants to hear from us…He wants to speak to us…He wants to love on us.  He wants an open and dedicated line of communication with us, which is facilitated through His Word and through prayer…prayer that sounds like us.  Even though God is omniscient, He revels in hearing us verbalize our concerns, praises, needs, frustrations, victories, and doubts in our individual, distinctive voice.  What am I suggesting?  God sees our every behavior, hears our thoughts, knows our attitudes, and listens to every word we think and speak.

Consequently, He knows our vernacular, but does He “recognize” the way we speak to Him in prayer as the same way we speak in the course of our daily life?  I am not suggesting that God has trouble recognizing some of us when we pray; rather, I propose that many of us are ourselves with people in the way we speak, but when it comes time to talk to God, we have difficulty finding our voice.  Many experience anxiety because they feel they should pray formulaic words and phrases that “are sure to reach the ears of God,” others believe their inflection should suddenly take on some serious and “holy” tone, and there are those who communicate with ease to the people around them but absolutely become tongue-tied when approaching the Throne of Grace in prayer.

My war corner.
My war room…er…closet corner.

Allow me to exhort you to put aside every anxiety and every preconceived idea that prayer should sound the same universally or generically.  We are each far from generic.  Release thoughts and belief systems and self-doubt that hinder your prayer life, and permit yourself to be you when you talk to God.  Present your very self to Him:  your words, your voice, your personality.  It took me many years to discover my personal sanctuary and comfort in talking to God and listening for His voice…especially since I was raised in a religion that only prayed memorized, recited prayers and doxologies.  I tried different styles and voices of prayer I had witnessed in the women around me as a new Believer, but none ever came with ease.  It kind of felt like putting on someone else’s tennis shoes…nothing ever really fit or felt comfortable.

Dear friend…just as we desire for our children, our spouse, our friends, and our peers to talk to us openly and honestly, so God desires for His children to speak with Him.  He desires our words of prayer coming out of an honest, open, and surrendered soul.  When we pray like that, we will pray with ease and confidence, and it will not sound carbon-copied or strained or rehearsed to the ears of God.  Your candid and sincere prayers are an offering and a fragrance to Him.


Breakfast Burritos, Intimacy, and a Reluctant Donkey

It started on the Saturday of spring break…over breakfast burritos and ((COFFEE))…and conversation with a precious sister-girlfriend about work-and-marriage-and-kids-and-school-and-church-and-ministry-and-health-and-finances(thankyouDaveRamsey)-and-struggles-and…well, you get it.

And then I said it.  “I’ve been wanting to get away for the weekend to just disconnect from the world for a moment and spend time with God.”

And then my friend said it.  “Let’s do it.”

And we did.

A few computer clicks reserved us a cabin at a horse ranch/arena.  A few invites provided early and last-minute commitments from four other women who serve in ministry at their church homes.  A few preparations set the details in place.  This was the easy part.  This was the stuff I could do with little effort.

((COFFEE)) at the cabin
((COFFEE)) at the cabin

Then it was time to seek God on where He wanted our focus.

I kind of already knew where God was going to place His index finger, so this was the difficult part of the retreat preparation because it was going to require God-inspection and self-reflection.  When I finally  asked Him what He wanted to speak to us at this retreat, He didn’t give me the chance to breathe before He responded with “return to your First Love” and “intimacy.”

Here’s the truth.  I am an active participant in worship.  I am faithful to remain in a spirit of prayer.  I am (mostly) disciplined at inductive Bible study and writing them.  I have NOT and am NOT, however, active or faithful or disciplined in sustained, quiet, devotional time with my Abba.  (sigh)

First Love Retreat, July 2015
First Love Retreat, July 2015 …and the sister-gf who said, “Let’s do it.”

There it was.  The thorn in my flesh, the two-hundred-thirty-eight-feet-tall oak tree in my eye (to me, not to God) was my failed attempt after failed attempt to develop the discipline of a daily devotional…intimate solitude with God to know His heart better and hear His voice clearer.

Fast forward to the weekend of our retreat, which was just this past weekend.  On Saturday morning, we each took our copy of “A Place of Quiet Rest” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and found our individual places to practice meeting with God in a spirit of devotion.  We then came together to share what resonated with each of us in the first chapter.  Afterwards, we soaked in the presence of God through 45 minutes of worship and prayer.  Then we lingered in His presence as He spoke some more.

Our Cabin
Our Cabin…and another sister-girlfriend poses. 😉

This is when He dropped the first of three pearls I was to receive before the end of that weekend.  It was this…”You already have the fulfillment of what I have shown you…you just have to step into it.” Yes, sir.  Received and noted.

The second pearl came as we were worshipping that night at Catch the Fire DFW.  With hands raised and heart surrendered, God told me to position myself.  I asked Him, “What does that look like?  Position myself how? Where?”  And He showed me His Word opened up before me.  This meant that I need to be in His word like never before…to prepare for ministry like never before.  Okay.  Got it.

The third pearl came that Sunday during the message at Gateway Church.  The speaker was sharing out of Jonah 3 & 4, and she stated how God could use a reluctant prophet or a donkey to deliver His message.  The impression God put on my heart was this:  “Tammy, you are sometimes reluctant and other times a donkey. And I want to use you to deliver My Word and do My Will.”  There it was.  God was calling me a reluctant donkey – which was no surprise to me and gave me a chuckle – but He, most importantly, was telling me that He wanted to use me.  (Exhale.). Use…me.

A donkey. (
A donkey.
Me...on a very normal, very long day. #nofilters
Me…on a very normal, very long day. #nofilters #nomakeup #hairnotdid

Now, I’ve been knowing in my brain and heart and spirit for longer than a decade that God has a specific purpose and calling on my life, but my will has been periodically hanging out with fear and doubt for longer than that.  And God has given me glimpses and opportunities over the years to confirm and encourage me in His direction.  This time, though, was different.  My will took notice.  My will attended to what God spoke and was drawn in to the excitement and belief and surrender of my brain, heart, spirit.

So here I am…a recovering reluctant donkey who is growing in her intimacy with God…and meeting a sister-girlfriend at a local restaurant for breakfast burritos and ((COFFEE)) and transparent convo was the catalyst for where I am positioning myself today.  Who’d-a-thunk-it?  Not me.  I say all that to say this…

Welcome to my blog.  I invite you to subscribe, follow, and join me on this journey.  Help to hold me accountable, as I will you.  Grab a cup of ((COFFEE)) and your Bible and buckle up!

His Girl ~ Tammy Sinclair